Avoiding Problematic “Demand-Withdraw” Tactics With Loved Ones
Why you should avoid the silent treatment.
My former roommate was the first to admit he wasn’t the brightest fellow. Fortunately, he was great at the pole vault and got into college on a full ride, sharing a dorm with me. He often came home with his latest foolhardy story that left me with my face in my hands, wishing a better life for him.
Years later, he told me of a fairly brutal commute. He was driving back to his home state with his wife. And decided to tell her at the beginning of their seven hour drive that he’d gambled away their vacation money. He said their drive consisted one five minute argument, followed by seven hours of complete silence, and her not talking to him. Why he decided to reveal this mistake at the start of a long trip still perplexes me.
His silent treatment was, perhaps, well earned and taken, but is used erroneously in so many contexts of life. And it is something we should consider revoking entirely. Here’s why.
How this all came to be
In 1944, author Otis Ferguson described the silent treatment as, “A process so effective in the monotony of a ship’s life as to make strong men weep.” And having been at the receiving end of it — I can confirm I’d rather be on the…
