How To Catch A Liar
Use evidence to do it.
The key to catching a liar is evidence. Once you have that, there’s nothing they can do. It’ll be all too obvious.
Since you are all bright and nuanced minds, I’ll give you a more subtle example. Some of you might suspect this man is lying.
<Door opens, a man steps through>
I’m Chris Hansen and I’m with To Catch a Predator.”
A camera crew files into the room behind him.
Jon: Um, what is this all about?
Chris: What are you doing here, Jon?
Jon: I’m just here to meet with a friend, why?
Chris: Yeah, I’ll bet you are. I’ll cut to the chase. We believe you trying to seduce underage women on the internet.
Jon: What? I have no idea what you are talking about.
Chris: Well, here in front of me is a chat transcript with our undercover cop, Abby, who posed as a 14-year-old girl.
Jon: wait so….Abby was f-
Chris: that’s right. Fake. Let’s have a look at this transcript, shall we? Did you tell her you wanted her to “‘Squeeze your soda can”?
Jon: Uhh…yes! But I needed help getting the last few drops out. I was really thirsty.
Chris: Right. Right. And here you state, “They call Wednesdays Hump Day for two reasons. Do you want to learn reason two?”
Jon: You have it all wrong, Chris! I volunteer at the camel farm on Wednesdays! That’s reason number two!
Chris: A camel farm? Really, Jon? We are in Montreal.
Jon: I swear to god, Chris! I’m not a liar!
Chris: Oh is that so? Then how do you explain, “I am going to give you the D?”
Jon: Uh, Chris, hello, we were playing online scrabble?
Chris: Jon, you do realize cameras are filming right now, right? I mean look, it says right here, “Come over and sit on my big banana.”
Jon: Yeah, I remember that! We were making smoothies and my blender was broken.
Chris: Jon — you are sick. You know that right? And here you say, “Show me your penis?” Could it be more obvious?
Jon: That’s totally a typo.! I’m in a calligraphy class. I meant Pen 15. It’s a specialized pen for handwriting!
Chris: Riiiiight. Riiiiight. And I suppose you needed her to “choke your chicken” for medical reasons?
Jon: How’d you know Chris? That’s right. My pet chicken has hyper-oxygenated blood.
Chris: Officers — he’s all yours.