How to Escape the Trap of Constant Self-Judgment

Here are four strategies to help.

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Researchers conducted a landmark study on self-awareness using a toy shopping cart.

They took a small cart and attached a blanket to the bottom of it. Then, mothers came in with their infants. Researchers had infants stand behind the cart. Then, mothers urged their children to push the cart towards them.

The infants grew frustrated as the blanket invariably stopped them from moving forward because they stood on the blanket:

Some threw tantrums. Others looked around trying to figure out what was wrong. One infant even climbed into the cart out of frustration.

Some infants solved it. One rolled the blanket up and pushed. Another got in front of the cart and pulled it to his mother.

Every infant who solved the problem had one thing in common: they were 16 months or older. Researchers discovered this is the point we first develop self-awareness.

From here, self-awareness is supposed to make our lives easier and more efficient — and it does. But it also becomes a source of immense pain and regret.

This is due to the Self-Absorption Paradox: as we become more self-aware, we make fewer social mistakes, but torture ourselves more over…