Member-only story
Self | Psychology
How To Spot a Manipulator
Ulterior motives are often concealed in kindness, favors, and breadcrumbs.
Most of us are deceived more than we realize. In fact, we are only slightly better than a coin flip at detecting lies. Even court judges are only a bit better than average at spotting deception.
Manipulators deceive us so often, they often forget they are doing it. The behavior was ingrained during childhood. It got them what they wanted, out of trouble, into good graces, and it went unchecked for years. By the time you deal with them as adults, they are good at what they do. Here are signs their smile means you are being played.
How gifts become a weapon
Years ago, my then-girlfriend gave me a pair of Bluetooth headphones as a birthday present. I appreciated it and tried so hard to make them work. But they kept irritating my ears and always fell out. Eventually, I went back to my regular wired headphones — not realizing this would trigger a huge point of contention.
Every time we went to the gym, she’d cross her arms and lament, “It’s a shame you won’t use those $150 headphones I got you.” She brought it up for months and months and it started to feel like I’d loaned money to the devil.
