Member-only story
Humor | Satire | Relationships
My Girlfriend is a Centaur and I Never Knew
Be careful and keep your eyes open, or you’ll be surprised too.
“Babe — what does this mean? I’m so confused.”
It started years prior. My girlfriend and I often discuss having kids. It’s fun to speculate the type of parents we’d be and how our kids might turn out.
Would they get her smarts and my sense of humor? Or would they get my clumsiness and her neuroticism? As chance would have it, a friend brought us each a DNA test last Christmas.
I wasn’t sure if my buddy was trying to say something to us. It was an awkward present. It wasn’t like we lived in Alabama and “needed to be sure”.
We figured it would be a fun first step to figure out who we are and if our ancestors were healthy. We swabbed the insides of our mouths and shipped them off for analysis.
A few weeks later, the results came in and they contained a huge secret.
My DNA test was largely unsurprising. It was mostly western European countries. Some Irish. Lots of Dutch. It confirmed I was a white dude. I was also 2% Native American. Perhaps a family member slept with a fur trader.
