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The Problematic Nature of Marriage Proposals
Please don’t put an avalanche of pressure on a woman.
I had the unfortunate experience of being there when it happened. I was in a restaurant with a buddy, and it wasn’t even a nice restaurant at that.
Just as we were talking and watching a game on the big screen, enjoying our night, I heard a bunch of commotion. I glanced over and saw a man had stepped outside of his booth and got on one knee. He was holding open a ring case like an opened clam. Both hands were outstretched to his partner, who was sitting with her eyes wide.
This is where things got dicey. She wasn’t nodding yes. Her smile was plastered and gritting, betraying other emotions while she whispered something to him. As he kneeled, a bunch of women behind him were nodding and signalling to his intended, “Say yes!” They were clasping their hands in anticipation, hoping for their happy ending.
Then, the scene abruptly quieted down as the man stood up and sat back down in front of her, without her clearly saying yes. There was no hug or kiss. It was evident to all of us she hadn’t said yes. I was dying inside, for both of them. But was glad she had spoken honestly.
How does it come to this? You’d think someone would have a strong idea of their partner's answer before undertaking such a spectacle.
The man was wearing a military uniform. And, being from a military family, I do know that men in service are often eager to marry young (and often do). Perhaps he wanted to lock her down before deployment and jumped the gun? I had so many questions.
I’ve never been a fan of marriage proposals — and especially the public ones. At a minimum, the practice feels antiquated. Yet it’s hard not to feel the pull of such an embedded cultural tradition. Here’s why we should tread carefully.
The underpinnings
Both from family narratives, and media depictions, it’s easy to see marriage proposals as important and necessary symbols of your love. There are scenes like that in Sweet Home Alabama, which depict Reese Witherspoon walking into Tiffany & Co with a blindfold on, until her boyfriend takes it off, revealing a row of jewelers, ready to start helping her…
